Case Study: Returnees , , How can parents deal with the return of their child? How can they deal with the new situation?

For most families it is a shock when their daughter or son joins the terrorist organisation of the so-called Islamic State (IS). The young people leave their parental home and move out to fight alongside the Islamists. The contact sometimes breaks off completely. When the child returns to Germany, many parents want one thing above all: to protect their daughter or son.

Disappeared overnight

Patrick* disappeared overnight. In just a few months, the inconspicuous student had turned into a radical Islamist. His mother didn't know how it happened. Patrick had avoided talking to her. When he was suddenly no longer there, she suspected that his disappearance had something to do with his new radical views.

Search leads to a radical Islamist mosque

Patrick's mother searched everywhere for her son. Soon she didn't know how often she had dialled his mobile number and heard the automatic mailbox message. She called his teacher, even visited his school and spoke to his classmates. She found nothing, not a trace, only the name of a mosque in the neighbourhood. Every evening, she went to her son's room, hoping in vain – as she knew – to find him sitting at his desk. She felt numb. After three months of unsuccessful searching, she received a call from the police. The officer told her that her son was fighting for the IS in Syria. She couldn't believe what the man on the other end of the line said. She asked several times if the officer was sure it was Patrick. After the call, she sat by the phone for a long time trying to understand what had happened.

Return home, criminal charges and media interest

Patrick's mother had not heard from her son in a year. Then, one day, she received a message on her mobile phone: he was now back in Germany with his child. As he stood outside the door with his child in his arms, she gave him a hug.
The very next day, they received a summons from the police. Patrick was due to testify as a defendant in a preliminary investigation. The accusation: membership in a terrorist organisation. The calls from the interested press started shortly afterwards, often several times a day. When the photographers began to lay siege to her house, it seemed to Patrick's mother as if everything would start all over again: the helplessness, the guilt, the shame, the fear of losing her son.

When the child threatens to disappear again

In her search for help, Patrick's mother came across the Advice Centre on Radicalisation on the Internet. She waited until her son had retired to his old room for one of his long phone calls and called the hotline. She started at the end instead of the beginning of the events and talked with several pauses, but the counsellor on the other end didn't seem to mind. She spoke of her concern that her son might be taken away from her again. That she did not know what to do. She spoke about the probing questions that kept her awake. How had it come to this? What had happened to her son, who barely spoke, in the war? What had she done wrong? What could she do now to protect her child and grandson? From the authorities, from the media, from stares in the neighbourhood?

Who is to blame if the child becomes radicalised?

She talked for a long time and was grateful that the man on the other end did not interrupt her. He only asked a question now and then and when she had nothing more to say, he encouraged her: This was not about who was to blame for the situation. The idea was to get Patrick, with the help of experienced professionals, out of the radical circles he was still in according to his mother. If he and his child had had traumatic experiences, the local advice centre could call in a psychologist who would carefully work through the experience with the family.
Patrick is now waiting for his trial. The family is receiving psychological support and is in constant contact with the local advice centre.

*Patrick’s case is fictitious. We treat all the information of our callers as strictly confidential, so this is not a real case.